WriteLarge.com

Jeni and I are watching "The Secret Lives of Women," and one of those ladies -- literally -- thinks she's a vampire. I'm gonna say something I might regret later. But I have to say it; let me put it this way...

In the same sense that I do not believe in the Green Lantern, I do not believe in Vampires.

And that's not to say that I do not believe in Vampiric behavior, or that a man named Vlad the Impaler did, in fact, walk the earth. Nor is it to say that I do not believe that there is absolutely no secret corps of do-gooders sworn to protect the universe at the behest of a council of little blue midgets. I mean, there are more things in heaven and earth than can be described by today's science.

However, my point is more along these lines: There comes a time in a young man's life when he obtains a plastic replica power ring, slides it on his index finger, and finds a strange lump of disappointment welling in his soul as he realizes that even with just the right ring, he will never be a Green Lantern.

I'm just saying, when the 45-year-old dominatrix puts the fake teeth in at the start of the work day, somewhere deep in her belly, she's got to know that she's not fucking immortal.

I point this out to Jeni and she makes a face. So, I ask her, whats the deal with that face and she says:

"That sounds like the kind of story that might be a funny observation, but is probably also true."

Probably, my darling, probably.

Epilogue
And then This horrific commercial for the Trojan Vibrating Finger (Minimally NSFW) comes on. Oh. My. God. WeTV, have you no shame?